Let’s Talk About Your Christmas Bonus
Dear Brewtiful,
I need you to tell me if I’m being dramatic, or if I’m just finally awake.
I’ve spent the last year being the reliable one. The fixer. The “don’t worry, I’ll handle it” person. The one who remembers deadlines, chases people down, cleans up the mess, smooths out the awkward client situations, and somehow still finds the energy to sound upbeat in emails like I’m not internally chewing drywall.
No one asked me to become this person. I just slowly became her. Like mold. Like a cursed houseplant.
The weird part is: I’m good at it.
I manage campaigns, brainstorm topics, coordinate publishing schedules, keep everything on time, and basically act as the human buffer between clients and chaos. I’ve also become the emotional support animal for people who have never once emotionally supported me.
And then the year ends. And suddenly I realize I’m not being rewarded. I’m being used efficiently.
My brain keeps replaying the same thought:
If I disappeared tomorrow, they’d replace me in two weeks and forget my name in three.
And I know that sounds bitter, but I’m not even saying it dramatically. I’m saying it like someone reading a weather forecast.
So now I’m sitting here wondering:
Is this what adulthood is? Is this what working hard gets you?
And why do I feel guilty for even asking?
Sincerely,
A Woman With Great Work Ethic and Mildly Criminal Resentment
Dear Mildly Criminal Resentment,
First of all, I love you. And I fear you. Which is exactly the relationship employers have with competent women.
Let’s get one thing clear immediately:
You are not dramatic.
You are just finally noticing the scam.
Because the workplace loves one specific type of person:
The one who doesn’t make noise.
And unfortunately, you have the personality of someone who can carry an entire business on her back while still saying “No worries!” in a cheerful tone. Which is adorable. It’s also how you end up emotionally bankrupt by February.
You’ve been doing what so many high-performing people do:
absorbing dysfunction so other people can keep pretending it isn’t happening.
And you know what that makes you?
Not an employee.
A shock absorber.
Here’s What Actually Happens When You’re “Good at Your Job”
When you’re competent, you don’t just get tasks.
You get other people’s tasks.
And it doesn’t come with a promotion. It comes with a compliment.
The workplace version of payment is:
“You’re so reliable.”
“You’re so organized.”
“I don’t know what we’d do without you.”
Which is corporate for:
We have no intention of hiring help. Please keep suffering quietly.
And yes, I used the word quietly. I know you hate it. Consider it exposure therapy.
You’re Not Imagining It: Burnout Is Literally Everywhere
According to a Gallup report, employee engagement is falling, and stress remains high. In 2023, 44% of employees reported feeling stressed during much of the day. That’s nearly half the workforce just raw-dogging life with a to-do list and a dead-eyed smile.
Gallup has also repeatedly found that managers play a huge role in whether employees thrive or burn out, and that workload and feeling undervalued are major drivers of disengagement.
So no, you’re not sensitive.
You’re living in the modern workforce, where the reward for competence is often more work, not more money.
And your brain is finally doing the math.
The Problem Is You Look Like You Can Handle It
You’ve been with your company for years. You’re experienced. You’re capable. You’ve got a personable vibe with clients. You know how to keep things moving. You probably solve problems before anyone else even notices there was a problem.
So from the outside, you look fine.
And the world loves fine.
Fine means “no complaints.”
Fine means “no drama.”
Fine means “she’ll deal with it.”
Fine is the best disguise for someone slowly losing their mind in Microsoft Teams.
And if you want a statistic that will make you feel less alone in your private spiral, here’s one:
The World Health Organization officially recognizes burnout as an occupational phenomenon, caused by chronic workplace stress that hasn’t been successfully managed.
So if you feel like you’re being cooked alive, that is actually a recognized workplace condition. You’re not crazy. You’re just employed.
The Workplace Doesn’t Reward Effort. It Rewards Boundaries
This is the part that hurts, so I’m going to say it with love and menace:
Your company isn’t paying you based on what you do.
They’re paying you based on what you tolerate.
Because if you do extra work without asking for anything, they learn something important about you:
You can be relied on without being rewarded.
And once a company learns that, it becomes part of the system.
That’s why the “bonus disappointment” hits so hard. Not because the number is insulting, but because it confirms something you didn’t want to be true:
You were never being rewarded for going above and beyond.
You were being trained.
Here’s the Trap: You’re a High Performer With a Soft Heart
People like you are dangerous to yourselves.
You care. You want to do things properly. You hate letting things fall apart. You take pride in your work. You’re the type of person who would rather just fix it than explain why it needs fixing.
Which makes you perfect for roles where responsibility expands but compensation doesn’t.
You also work in digital marketing, which is basically an industry built on:
unrealistic timelines
client expectations shaped by delusion
constant “just one more thing” requests
and people treating strategy like it’s magic
So if you’re exhausted, you’re not weak.
You’re just employed in an industry that thinks humans are subscription services.
So What Do You Do Now?
You don’t burn your life down.
You don’t quit in a dramatic blaze of glory (tempting).
You do something much scarier.
You start acting like someone who knows her value.
Here are a few steps that are actually backed by workplace research and psychology:
1. Start documenting your work like a petty historian
This isn’t paranoia. It’s survival.
According to the Harvard Business Review, employees who advocate for themselves with clear evidence of impact are more likely to receive recognition and promotions than those who simply “work hard and hope someone notices.”
Hard work is invisible unless you package it.
So keep a list of:
results you drove
problems you solved
revenue wins
campaigns improved
client retention moments
anything that saved the company time or money
Because feelings don’t get raises. Receipts do.
2. Stop volunteering for emotional labor
You are not the office therapist.
If someone is stressed, they can take a walk.
If someone forgot a deadline, they can learn fear.
If someone needs help, they can ask properly, not casually dump it on you like a cat leaving a dead mouse.
3. Learn the phrase: “I can do that, but I’ll need to deprioritize X.”
This is corporate witchcraft.
It forces people to acknowledge that your time is finite, which is the one thing workplaces hate admitting.
4. Decide if you’re staying or strategically exiting
Not emotionally. Logistically.
If you’re going to stay, you renegotiate.
If you’re going to leave, you quietly prepare.
And since you’re an SEO specialist who’s basically built a career out of managing chaos, you could absolutely pivot into something higher-paying without needing permission from anyone.
You’re not stuck. You’re just tired.
The Truth You Already Know
You didn’t just have a long year.
You had a year where your effort became expected.
And now you’re finally seeing the difference between:
being valued
and
being convenient.
And yes, that realization hurts. But it also means your brain is waking up.
Which is good.
Because the version of you who keeps swallowing everything is not sustainable.
She’s just profitable for everyone else.
Final Answer, Dear Abby Style
No, this isn’t “just adulthood.”
This is a workplace culture that rewards silence and punishes competence.
You are not too sensitive.
You are underpaid, over-utilized, and emotionally overbooked.
And if the company wants the full version of you next year?
They can pay for her.
Sincerely,
Brewtiful
(Who fully supports you becoming slightly less pleasant.)
