My Coworker Makes $20K More Than Me. How Do I Ask for a Raise?
I Found Out My
Coworker Makes
$20K More Than Me.
I Need to Lie Down.
Same start date. Same role. Legitimate love between them. One very fun and very honest work event. One number that is now living rent-free at the front of her brain. A reader writes in, slightly tipsy, and Brewtiful answers with the full guide on what to actually do with this information — and how to ask for a raise without combusting in the process.
So I need your help because I am currently in a state. My coworker and I started at the same time. Same role. We have been through it together — the good, the bad, the extremely questionable decisions made in the direction of this company — and through all of it there is a genuine, real, I-would-take-a-bullet-for-this-person kind of love.
Today was a good day. A really good day. A work event where everyone was loose and happy and for once the vibes were immaculate. And in a moment of radical transparency — which I am now rethinking — we told each other our salaries.
She makes twenty thousand dollars more than me.
TWENTY. THOUSAND. DOLLARS.
I am tipsy right now so I am keeping it together. But I know that tomorrow, when the wine has fully metabolised, I am going to feel this in a way that is going to require a lot of infrastructure to manage. I love her. I do not love this number. I need to know what to do.
— Anonymous. Obviously. Do not look at me.First of all: you are going to be okay. Second of all: $20,000. In a year. That is $1,666 a month. That is $384 a week. That is, if you think about it in coffee terms — which you should absolutely not do — approximately 192 oat milk lattes every seven days that she is receiving and you are not. Do not think about it in coffee terms. I'm bringing this up so you can briefly think about it in coffee terms and then we are moving past it.
Here is what you need to understand before we get to the practical part: what you are feeling right now is not jealousy. It is not pettiness. It is not a character flaw. It is the completely rational response of a person who just received data — hard, specific, dollar-denominated data — that suggests they have been undervalued. That data is information. Information is power. You are not falling apart. You are being reorganised. There is a difference.
The Five Stages of Salary Discovery.
Before we get to the action plan, you are going to go through these. In order. Probably by 9am tomorrow.
You will wake up and briefly convince yourself you misheard. Maybe she said two thousand. Maybe there was background noise. Maybe she said twenty dollars, which would be a different and also alarming problem. The number is not wrong. You did not mishear. Pour yourself a coffee and sit with it.
This is when you will mentally replay every late night, every meeting you didn't have to attend but did anyway, every time you said yes when you meant absolutely not. This stage is valid and should be logged. Write it all down. Not for catharsis — for your raise conversation. Your rage is your argument.
You will spend approximately forty-five minutes constructing a generous theory about why this is fair. Maybe she had competing offers. Maybe she's been here longer in a previous role. Maybe she just asked and you just didn't. All of this may be true. None of it changes what you are owed going forward.
This is the dangerous stage. The spiral. The "have I been giving away my labour for literally years while smiling about it?" stage. Yes. Probably. Most people have. The question is not whether it happened. The question is what you do next.
This is where we are heading. This is the only stage with a useful output. The other four are just corridor. You are going to get here. We are going to help you get here faster.
"$20,000 a year is $1,666 a month. That is not a gap. That is a decision someone made about your value, and it is a decision you are now fully qualified to contest."
— Brewtiful Living · Dear Brewtiful · May 2026$20,000 per year = $1,666.67 per month
= $384.62 per week you have been leaving on the table
= $54.79 per working day
= roughly $6.85 per hour of every shift you have worked while smiling
If you have been there for two years: this conversation just revealed a $40,000 discrepancy. If three years: $60,000. The point of this exercise is not to make you feel worse — the point is that this is not a rounding error. This is a conversation that needs to happen.
The Do Not List. Memorise It.
Before we get to the constructive part, let's clear the field of everything that will feel satisfying in the next 48 hours and will absolutely make your situation worse.
- Do not mention your coworker's salary in the raise conversation. The moment you say "but she makes X" you have changed the conversation from "my value" to "pay equity dispute." Those are two different conversations with two different outcomes. You are having the first one.
- Do not go to HR tonight. You are tipsy and emotionally activated. HR is not a support group. Go tomorrow. Actually, don't go to HR first — go to your manager. HR works for the company.
- Do not bring it up casually. Not in a passing hallway comment. Not as a "hey by the way." Not with the energy of someone who is trying to sound casual but is clearly not casual. Schedule a meeting. Make it formal. Formal means they take it seriously.
- Do not compare yourself to her out loud — to anyone. Not to your manager, not to other colleagues, not to your LinkedIn network. The comparison is private information. Your case is about your value. Keep those two things in entirely separate rooms.
- Do not make it weird with her. She didn't set your salary. She told you the truth, which is actually an act of friendship that took courage. The person to be in your feelings about is the person who signed off on the number — not the person who shared it.
- Do not do nothing. I know it feels safer. It is not. Doing nothing is just continuing to be paid $20K less than you should be, with the additional bonus of knowing about it.
The Part Where We Fix It.
Here is your actual action plan. Not the one that feels good in the moment. The one that gets you the money.
- Build your case before the conversation. What have you delivered in your time here? Specific projects. Specific outcomes. Numbers if you have them. "I managed X, which resulted in Y" is a sentence your manager can take upstairs. "I work really hard" is not. Give them the ammunition to fight for you.
- Research market rates independently. Glassdoor, LinkedIn Salary, Indeed, industry reports. You need to know what this role pays elsewhere — not to threaten to leave (yet), but to show you've done your homework and you know your market value isn't a feeling, it's a data point.
- Request a formal meeting. By email. With a subject line. "I'd like to find time to discuss my compensation and career trajectory" — that's it. Not "can we chat?" Chat is for coffee. This is for money.
- Come in with a specific number. Not a range. A number. Ranges let them pick the bottom. Your number should be equal to or slightly above where you actually want to land, so there is room to negotiate down to your actual target without losing ground.
- Use the word "compensation" not "salary." Compensation includes bonuses, equity, benefits, and professional development budget. If they can't hit your number in base salary, those are the levers. Know what you'd accept as part of a package.
- Do not apologise for having the conversation. No "I hope this isn't awkward" or "I feel weird bringing this up." You are a professional discussing a professional matter. Walk in like it.
"I've really valued my time here and I'm proud of what I've contributed — [specific example]. I've been doing some research into market rates for this role and I'd like to have a conversation about aligning my compensation with both my contributions and the current market. I'm looking to get to [X number]. Can we talk about what that path looks like?"
That's it. That's the whole script. Say it without flinching. Do not fill the silence that follows. Whoever speaks first after that pause loses. Let them speak first.About Her.
The One You Love.
You said there is a love there. I believe you. Here is what I want you to remember about that: she told you the truth. In a world where people guard their salary information like state secrets — because they have been conditioned to, because employers benefit from that silence, because the whole system runs better for companies when employees don't know what each other makes — she told you the truth.
That is an act of trust. The people who are actually on your side are the ones who are honest with you even when the honesty is uncomfortable. She handed you information that you can now use to advocate for yourself. She didn't have to do that. She did it anyway. That is friendship.
So no, don't make it weird. Don't let the number live in the middle of the relationship. The number is between you and your manager. She stays in the column marked "people who have my back." That column doesn't have enough people in it. Keep her there.
"Salary transparency is the one thing that genuinely terrifies employers — which is exactly why you should practise it with people you trust. She just did. Now go get paid."
— Brewtiful Living · Dear Brewtiful · May 2026Also — this may be useful to know — in the US, UK, and Canada, you have a legal right to discuss your salary with your coworkers. Employers cannot prohibit it. The reason you were taught it was taboo is because it is inconvenient for the people setting the salaries. It is not taboo. It is data. You now have data. Use it.
You Are Not Underpaid
By Accident. Now Go
Fix It On Purpose.
Tomorrow, when the wine is gone and the number is still there, you are going to feel it. That is fine. Feel it. And then open a new document and start writing down everything you have delivered in this role — every project, every win, every time you saved something or built something or held something together. That document is your raise conversation. It exists now. The number exists now. The conversation is coming.
You found out today that you have been undervalued. That is not a reflection of your worth — it is a reflection of what you accepted when you signed the contract and what you haven't yet asked to change. The good news is that the second part is correctable. The $20K gap is not permanent. It is just the current state, and current states are exactly what conversations are for.
Drink some water. Sleep. Build the case. Schedule the meeting. Walk in with a number. Don't apologise. Don't mention her. Don't fill the silence.
Go get your money. ☕
SEO: how to ask for a raise (31,000/mo KD 11 TP 27,000) · asking for a raise (2,300/mo KD 5) · am i underpaid (700/mo KD 2) · salary transparency (1,500/mo KD 16) · coworker makes more money. Slug: /dear-brewtiful/coworker-makes-more-money-how-to-ask-for-a-raise · Published May 29, 2026.
